Where has my lovely life gone?
Mar. 7th, 2017 07:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boothrosTogether with my partner for 9 years and married for 8, I now find myself in a very lonely place.
My husband has told me he doesn't love me anymore and changed his Facebook status to 'separated'.
He's told me that the only reason I'm still living in this house is that I'm available to take care of our dogs. The house is in both our names, though he put in a huge deposit due to having a property to sell when we came to buy.
My husband has never hit me ever. He's blasted me with hitting words over the years but we've always laughed them off once our airs have cleared. This time, he punched me where he knew it would hurt the most. Enraged at some slight I must have performed, he proceeded to kill my laptop via hammer, blow torch and finally water. (He dumped it in the pond I built.)
Being a shy person, my laptop was my life outside of a life.
Once I wrote fan fiction, I made fan vids, I made digital art and I was a proud moderator of a big bang challenge. I also sorted out my husbands car and travel insurance, deciphered emails that he refused to read, wrote him a CV when he didn't have a job and generally did all the jobs that a person with a hugely expensive and well kept laptop could to help a non computer person out with.
The night he smashed up that computer a red mist descended and I threw a brick at his car in retaliation. I'll always be ashamed that I stooped to that level, but I paid for it dearly as when he saw what I'd done he manhandled me out of the house.
I slept in the porch and woke to the reality that the one I loved had thrown me out.
When I woke, I didn't want to live any more, I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
Throughout the day, I took nearly 150 mixed meds and just prayed to die quickly. It didn't happen, I couldn't even die properly. My sister found me after being put through hell after reading stupidly vague posts on Facebook sent from a virtually flat mobile phone.
I'm sorry for putting my loved ones through such trauma, though my situation hasn't really changed.
Husband works away for 3 weeks and in the last 2 he hasn't phoned. I wished him a happy birthday (his 50th) but he didn't respond.
I know husband wants me out of the house for good, but I have nowhere to go and I adore my home, it's my safe place. A good friend has lent me a laptop to write this on and I know I rarely post to LJ but I needed to get these words out.
I don't mind if the post is never read or responded to, I just had to write these words for me.
My husband has told me he doesn't love me anymore and changed his Facebook status to 'separated'.
He's told me that the only reason I'm still living in this house is that I'm available to take care of our dogs. The house is in both our names, though he put in a huge deposit due to having a property to sell when we came to buy.
My husband has never hit me ever. He's blasted me with hitting words over the years but we've always laughed them off once our airs have cleared. This time, he punched me where he knew it would hurt the most. Enraged at some slight I must have performed, he proceeded to kill my laptop via hammer, blow torch and finally water. (He dumped it in the pond I built.)
Being a shy person, my laptop was my life outside of a life.
Once I wrote fan fiction, I made fan vids, I made digital art and I was a proud moderator of a big bang challenge. I also sorted out my husbands car and travel insurance, deciphered emails that he refused to read, wrote him a CV when he didn't have a job and generally did all the jobs that a person with a hugely expensive and well kept laptop could to help a non computer person out with.
The night he smashed up that computer a red mist descended and I threw a brick at his car in retaliation. I'll always be ashamed that I stooped to that level, but I paid for it dearly as when he saw what I'd done he manhandled me out of the house.
I slept in the porch and woke to the reality that the one I loved had thrown me out.
When I woke, I didn't want to live any more, I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
Throughout the day, I took nearly 150 mixed meds and just prayed to die quickly. It didn't happen, I couldn't even die properly. My sister found me after being put through hell after reading stupidly vague posts on Facebook sent from a virtually flat mobile phone.
I'm sorry for putting my loved ones through such trauma, though my situation hasn't really changed.
Husband works away for 3 weeks and in the last 2 he hasn't phoned. I wished him a happy birthday (his 50th) but he didn't respond.
I know husband wants me out of the house for good, but I have nowhere to go and I adore my home, it's my safe place. A good friend has lent me a laptop to write this on and I know I rarely post to LJ but I needed to get these words out.
I don't mind if the post is never read or responded to, I just had to write these words for me.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-07 09:58 pm (UTC)Practicalities: First of all, are you safe? Secondly, you must get legal advice of some sort. He has no right to throw you out of your joint home. He has no right to assault you, mentally or physically. Then, do you have joint finances? If so, go and change that before he comes back. You have an opportunity while he is out of the country. Use it. Your sister or your friend might help you, perhaps. You may still have feelings for him - I know I still did for my ex, even though he was mentally abusive. It is really hard, but you do not deserve this. You will be better without him. You will be able to vid and write again, without fear. It will be a hard time, but you need to do this. Be strong. Hugs.
no subject
Date: 2017-03-07 10:18 pm (UTC)And don't think for one second that you're not worthwhile; you are.
When the dust has settled and especially once you're safe (and have a new laptop, I guess)you could always see what you can put back together from any archives you've posted to, at least? Maybe put out a call on the forums too (for example, I've got copies of a couple of your stories downloaded from AO3 to my computer; now I know they're only the same as what's already on the archives, but I guess other people might have other stuff?)