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Where has my lovely life gone?
Together with my partner for 9 years and married for 8, I now find myself in a very lonely place.
My husband has told me he doesn't love me anymore and changed his Facebook status to 'separated'.
He's told me that the only reason I'm still living in this house is that I'm available to take care of our dogs. The house is in both our names, though he put in a huge deposit due to having a property to sell when we came to buy.
My husband has never hit me ever. He's blasted me with hitting words over the years but we've always laughed them off once our airs have cleared. This time, he punched me where he knew it would hurt the most. Enraged at some slight I must have performed, he proceeded to kill my laptop via hammer, blow torch and finally water. (He dumped it in the pond I built.)
Being a shy person, my laptop was my life outside of a life.
Once I wrote fan fiction, I made fan vids, I made digital art and I was a proud moderator of a big bang challenge. I also sorted out my husbands car and travel insurance, deciphered emails that he refused to read, wrote him a CV when he didn't have a job and generally did all the jobs that a person with a hugely expensive and well kept laptop could to help a non computer person out with.
The night he smashed up that computer a red mist descended and I threw a brick at his car in retaliation. I'll always be ashamed that I stooped to that level, but I paid for it dearly as when he saw what I'd done he manhandled me out of the house.
I slept in the porch and woke to the reality that the one I loved had thrown me out.
When I woke, I didn't want to live any more, I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
Throughout the day, I took nearly 150 mixed meds and just prayed to die quickly. It didn't happen, I couldn't even die properly. My sister found me after being put through hell after reading stupidly vague posts on Facebook sent from a virtually flat mobile phone.
I'm sorry for putting my loved ones through such trauma, though my situation hasn't really changed.
Husband works away for 3 weeks and in the last 2 he hasn't phoned. I wished him a happy birthday (his 50th) but he didn't respond.
I know husband wants me out of the house for good, but I have nowhere to go and I adore my home, it's my safe place. A good friend has lent me a laptop to write this on and I know I rarely post to LJ but I needed to get these words out.
I don't mind if the post is never read or responded to, I just had to write these words for me.
My husband has told me he doesn't love me anymore and changed his Facebook status to 'separated'.
He's told me that the only reason I'm still living in this house is that I'm available to take care of our dogs. The house is in both our names, though he put in a huge deposit due to having a property to sell when we came to buy.
My husband has never hit me ever. He's blasted me with hitting words over the years but we've always laughed them off once our airs have cleared. This time, he punched me where he knew it would hurt the most. Enraged at some slight I must have performed, he proceeded to kill my laptop via hammer, blow torch and finally water. (He dumped it in the pond I built.)
Being a shy person, my laptop was my life outside of a life.
Once I wrote fan fiction, I made fan vids, I made digital art and I was a proud moderator of a big bang challenge. I also sorted out my husbands car and travel insurance, deciphered emails that he refused to read, wrote him a CV when he didn't have a job and generally did all the jobs that a person with a hugely expensive and well kept laptop could to help a non computer person out with.
The night he smashed up that computer a red mist descended and I threw a brick at his car in retaliation. I'll always be ashamed that I stooped to that level, but I paid for it dearly as when he saw what I'd done he manhandled me out of the house.
I slept in the porch and woke to the reality that the one I loved had thrown me out.
When I woke, I didn't want to live any more, I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
Throughout the day, I took nearly 150 mixed meds and just prayed to die quickly. It didn't happen, I couldn't even die properly. My sister found me after being put through hell after reading stupidly vague posts on Facebook sent from a virtually flat mobile phone.
I'm sorry for putting my loved ones through such trauma, though my situation hasn't really changed.
Husband works away for 3 weeks and in the last 2 he hasn't phoned. I wished him a happy birthday (his 50th) but he didn't respond.
I know husband wants me out of the house for good, but I have nowhere to go and I adore my home, it's my safe place. A good friend has lent me a laptop to write this on and I know I rarely post to LJ but I needed to get these words out.
I don't mind if the post is never read or responded to, I just had to write these words for me.
Reading between the lines . . .
If you truly don't know what triggered him and if there isn't something else going on in his life that you don't know about then he is a bully. Silence in the face of reasonableness is a very male form of passive aggression, and the very worst thing you can do is try to push for a response - it gives him a stronger hand with each attempt you make.
You may not see it that way, but the amount of organising you do for him speaks of a certain dependency on you, that he may not even be aware of.
One thing bullying saps is self esteem - it's crippling. Doing what you are, and recording what is happening is probably the best thing you can do, but I would urge you to protect yourself and do it less publicly; make this a friends only post with him excluded. His violence towards the laptop is likely to be sufficient cause for you to get legal protection from him - and in this case maybe you should consider a restraining order.
At one time, being locked out of one's own home by one's partner counted in law as abandonment; if that is still true then you have a strong case on your side.
If you are really certain there is no going back, and given that you don't say that you love him or miss him, I suspect you do feel that, then you need to protect your interests. Mind you, if it were me I'd be looking to get custody of the dogs.
You have a sister and supportive friends, and maybe another week to protect your interests before he gets home again - use the time well.