S, I've commented before about the legal stuff - which you absolutely must focus on, despite how you feel right now. I know you work very hard and have few funds, but there are ways of getting help on this, as others have said. You have clear rights and they need to be protected (and you need to make sure you personally are safe). But I also wanted to say (based on personal experience here) I understand how you are feeling - at your very lowest, full of pain and despair and the hurt of this betrayal, and a wish simply not to go on. It's understandable; deeply, deeply understandable. I went through two years of absolute hell, with my life and emotions turned upside down, before things got on an even keel. REMEMBER! It's not a sign of weakness or failure in YOU that you feel like this - it's because of the deep betrayal that you've been attacked by. What I failed to do at the time, and which I think contributed to my unravelling, was that I didn't get enough medical help. A friend insisted I go to the GP right away, but he was very dismissive and just said "come back when you are feeling worse." Excuse me??? At that point I was still shell-shocked. I had no idea of what was to come. Consequently I pushed on in my misery until I was in a state of complete collapse, in the blackest depression, but not understanding what depression was. Finally, on one terrible morning, I went back, to another GP, was heard sympathetically and given some meds that helped enormously in getting me to view the world in a balanced way, and able to get on with life, and really make strides on my own. So I would say to you, go to your GP, don't stint in explaining *exactly* how you feel (not being British and stiff-upper-lipped about it is more likely to make them react), and don't leave the surgery until you get proper attention, and help in understanding how this may affect you and what they can do to get you through it. The other thing I will say now, because it was a profound thing for me, was I remember my lovely boss at the time (female, of course...) said to me "It's times like these when you find out who your friends are, and they will be the ones who pull you through." It sounds very trite, but it was absolutely true for me, and it will be for you. too. You have loads of friends, not least here on LJ, and we are always around for you. Remember that.
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timeasmymeasure
no subject
Date: 2017-03-08 09:14 am (UTC)But I also wanted to say (based on personal experience here) I understand how you are feeling - at your very lowest, full of pain and despair and the hurt of this betrayal, and a wish simply not to go on. It's understandable; deeply, deeply understandable. I went through two years of absolute hell, with my life and emotions turned upside down, before things got on an even keel. REMEMBER! It's not a sign of weakness or failure in YOU that you feel like this - it's because of the deep betrayal that you've been attacked by.
What I failed to do at the time, and which I think contributed to my unravelling, was that I didn't get enough medical help. A friend insisted I go to the GP right away, but he was very dismissive and just said "come back when you are feeling worse." Excuse me??? At that point I was still shell-shocked. I had no idea of what was to come. Consequently I pushed on in my misery until I was in a state of complete collapse, in the blackest depression, but not understanding what depression was. Finally, on one terrible morning, I went back, to another GP, was heard sympathetically and given some meds that helped enormously in getting me to view the world in a balanced way, and able to get on with life, and really make strides on my own.
So I would say to you, go to your GP, don't stint in explaining *exactly* how you feel (not being British and stiff-upper-lipped about it is more likely to make them react), and don't leave the surgery until you get proper attention, and help in understanding how this may affect you and what they can do to get you through it.
The other thing I will say now, because it was a profound thing for me, was I remember my lovely boss at the time (female, of course...) said to me "It's times like these when you find out who your friends are, and they will be the ones who pull you through." It sounds very trite, but it was absolutely true for me, and it will be for you. too. You have loads of friends, not least here on LJ, and we are always around for you. Remember that.