Where has my lovely life gone?
Mar. 7th, 2017 07:24 pm![[personal profile]](https://www.dreamwidth.org/img/silk/identity/user.png){kind=small}
boothrosTogether with my partner for 9 years and married for 8, I now find myself in a very lonely place.
My husband has told me he doesn't love me anymore and changed his Facebook status to 'separated'.
He's told me that the only reason I'm still living in this house is that I'm available to take care of our dogs. The house is in both our names, though he put in a huge deposit due to having a property to sell when we came to buy.
My husband has never hit me ever. He's blasted me with hitting words over the years but we've always laughed them off once our airs have cleared. This time, he punched me where he knew it would hurt the most. Enraged at some slight I must have performed, he proceeded to kill my laptop via hammer, blow torch and finally water. (He dumped it in the pond I built.)
Being a shy person, my laptop was my life outside of a life.
Once I wrote fan fiction, I made fan vids, I made digital art and I was a proud moderator of a big bang challenge. I also sorted out my husbands car and travel insurance, deciphered emails that he refused to read, wrote him a CV when he didn't have a job and generally did all the jobs that a person with a hugely expensive and well kept laptop could to help a non computer person out with.
The night he smashed up that computer a red mist descended and I threw a brick at his car in retaliation. I'll always be ashamed that I stooped to that level, but I paid for it dearly as when he saw what I'd done he manhandled me out of the house.
I slept in the porch and woke to the reality that the one I loved had thrown me out.
When I woke, I didn't want to live any more, I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
Throughout the day, I took nearly 150 mixed meds and just prayed to die quickly. It didn't happen, I couldn't even die properly. My sister found me after being put through hell after reading stupidly vague posts on Facebook sent from a virtually flat mobile phone.
I'm sorry for putting my loved ones through such trauma, though my situation hasn't really changed.
Husband works away for 3 weeks and in the last 2 he hasn't phoned. I wished him a happy birthday (his 50th) but he didn't respond.
I know husband wants me out of the house for good, but I have nowhere to go and I adore my home, it's my safe place. A good friend has lent me a laptop to write this on and I know I rarely post to LJ but I needed to get these words out.
I don't mind if the post is never read or responded to, I just had to write these words for me.
My husband has told me he doesn't love me anymore and changed his Facebook status to 'separated'.
He's told me that the only reason I'm still living in this house is that I'm available to take care of our dogs. The house is in both our names, though he put in a huge deposit due to having a property to sell when we came to buy.
My husband has never hit me ever. He's blasted me with hitting words over the years but we've always laughed them off once our airs have cleared. This time, he punched me where he knew it would hurt the most. Enraged at some slight I must have performed, he proceeded to kill my laptop via hammer, blow torch and finally water. (He dumped it in the pond I built.)
Being a shy person, my laptop was my life outside of a life.
Once I wrote fan fiction, I made fan vids, I made digital art and I was a proud moderator of a big bang challenge. I also sorted out my husbands car and travel insurance, deciphered emails that he refused to read, wrote him a CV when he didn't have a job and generally did all the jobs that a person with a hugely expensive and well kept laptop could to help a non computer person out with.
The night he smashed up that computer a red mist descended and I threw a brick at his car in retaliation. I'll always be ashamed that I stooped to that level, but I paid for it dearly as when he saw what I'd done he manhandled me out of the house.
I slept in the porch and woke to the reality that the one I loved had thrown me out.
When I woke, I didn't want to live any more, I was so embarrassed and ashamed.
Throughout the day, I took nearly 150 mixed meds and just prayed to die quickly. It didn't happen, I couldn't even die properly. My sister found me after being put through hell after reading stupidly vague posts on Facebook sent from a virtually flat mobile phone.
I'm sorry for putting my loved ones through such trauma, though my situation hasn't really changed.
Husband works away for 3 weeks and in the last 2 he hasn't phoned. I wished him a happy birthday (his 50th) but he didn't respond.
I know husband wants me out of the house for good, but I have nowhere to go and I adore my home, it's my safe place. A good friend has lent me a laptop to write this on and I know I rarely post to LJ but I needed to get these words out.
I don't mind if the post is never read or responded to, I just had to write these words for me.
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This is shocking.
Date: 2017-03-07 10:41 pm (UTC)This is terrible, unjusticeful and humiliating. I would like to write "I feel for you", but I don't think I can imagine how it feels. (Even if I do know how it feels to be in an abusive relationship, and even if this has much to do with my being suicidal.)
I really cannot see what he thinks of himself.
Why on earth did he think he had the right to destroy your laptop - one of the most important items you owned - without further consequences?
But, when you stroke back - by throwing a brick at his car - he decided that he had the right to throw you out?! You did not destroy his car, I assume.
How dared he punch you?
And, having had to sleep in the porch... and that humiliating comment he made... I just cannot find the right words to express how shocked I am, and how much I would like to make you feel a bit better. I had been abused - and it was bad enough to make me feel worthless and want to die -, but not to this level.
I think you were too nice to him - remembering his birthday after this.
I can just repeat what the others have already written. This is a legal issue.
Are you really, really sure that you have no place to go to? Can't you stay at some family members or friends?
I understand you love that house and would not want to leave - even if he humiliated you with this comment about the dogs -, but it seems to not be your safe place.
I really hope that you find the help you need! Please keep your LJ updated about the news.